Good Words

Good words are where ideas come from, but from action we gain results.

Art has something more than ideas, or a result of actions. It is individually personal and collectively experienced, like a song, or a perfume. We are all touched in one way or another.

The problem with many of my words, spoken, written have often missed their mark. My actions tend to be swift and lacking elegance. And while I feel my actions are lasting and true I do not believe they get the recognition they deserve.

Spending more time being free

Week long vacation.
So sleepy.

Everything negative

I still because of my actions. Everything will be alright...

My whole life

is predicated on succeeding through hard work, and drive. What happens when I'm no longer willing to put forth the effort?

Bittersweet victory

I am officially a PhD student. A year ago at this time, I had planned on proposing to her. A year ago this time, I had my whole life figured out, now I'm battling so many fronts. I can't believe I can keep my composure. A year ago I was smarter than I am right now. A year ago, I wasn't as wise.

Behind the power curve

Every relationship I've had I have always been flying behind the powercurve. It's a term used by airforce pilots to describe their awareness of their surroundings.

I used to tell them it will get better soon and it doesn't, it hasn't. Face it, to make a career you have to sacrifice personal gain. To be successful in personal gain you probably need to sacrifice some career.

The problem arises when you want both, and you want them at the exact same time, then you start to take liberties where you deem necessary. Insulting your significant other, not working as hard as you could. We're all guilty of it in some fashion, I'm guilty of it right now. But as the cliche goes, you have to first admit to a problem before it will get better.

I feel bad for flying behind the power curve, to make my life better, to meet the long-term-safety objective. Than to fly by the seat of my pants always and forever. Tonight I realized that I've made the right decision this time.

Traveling light is the only way to fly.

Phos, Fluor, Journal, Proposals, and Sleep

One of these I haven't been getting for a long time. I've been sleeping about 5hours a night lately, well, actually 4hours of sleep every 12hours. This paper, and independent research proposal have consumed me.

I've been sleeping in the library, a term we collectively associate with another grad student in the department. A true slacker of sorts, I feel that if he got the title of PhD and I got the same, then my title isn't worth the paper it's printed on.

My life is consumed with "I want to do that" right now, but there is no time for it, my time management lately has been pretty proficient. by that I mean, I've been mostly passing the buck to others around.

I've spent more time at school the past 3 weeks than I have ever before. I love getting things accomplished and lately it seems like my learning curve has been increasing at a much faster rate than it ever has. That's to be expected.

I think my run is done, now its time to change the parameters and run something else.

Future, Past, Yin-Yang

I welcome the future, because I hate contemplating on the past, unless it happens to cycle around, then I hate the future and long to be in the past.

adventures in relationships

Maybe I have to be with someone? Maybe without someone to talk shit about I feel alone. I think I'm naturally extroverted and social, but I really like, really like women. They obviously offer something my male friends don't, and thats something to look at, and quite often I'd rather have them not say anything and just look at them instead of actually have someone to talk to. I guess my introverted side is synonymous with my "romantic side"

Yet, I can't really find someone who I can stand to look at for more than a couple weeks without getting really sick of them.

I'm at a loss.

I appreciate...

I appreciate how much work she actually did around here sometimes...

Overnight Quantum Yield Measurements...

Suck...

Old Friends

I miss my friends. I guess it's the distance, or sometimes its not "the same" as it was before. It makes you appreciate what you have when you have it, and it make you hate time, and entropy's ability to move everything farther from you.

One of my turns

A lot of people tell me that I never get anything done. I don't work very hard, I'm lazy.

In a lot of ways I am lazy, but work is never about how much gets accomplished, rather how well it does. The great wall, the pyramids and entire nations aren't great accomplishments on quantity, but rather quality.

I'm really excited

To go to Lalapalooza with my friends...

I talk bitterly

Love, it's a conversation I've had with my friends more recently than I ever have before. They've been asking me whether or not "true love" can exist. It's inexplicable, and shocking. Also in my current state, I find it incredibly difficult to answer.

Common sense side would say yes, partly because it wants to be. Partly because it seems right and without it what do we have to contribute?
Vindictive side says no, partly because I've been burned, or burned so many. It also hates the PDA that is witnessed constantly (1000x increase when single) even though the hopeless romantic in me thinks it's mildly cute.

So I talk bitterly, but I'm just another example of not having enough experience to know for sure.

In two years, which seems so soon, I'll be out of here. If I'm lucky enough I'll be in a big city doing big city things, meeting big city people, with intelligence, dreams and aspirations.

We'll see what happens.

To the future, may it be more promising than the past.

I want some banana bread

But my dad did send me some beef jerky for my b-day.

fortune cookie escapades

You were the best at this, she was the best at that, and another girl was really good at another thing. Someday I'll find one that will make me forget all of it.

I'm tired, it's 6:15am and I'm going home, to go to sleep, even for just a couple hours.

We'll all better at something than someone else, it's better not to compare ourselves to other when it comes to shortcomings. Not only is the grass greener, but you're dumber, and wasting my time with pithy comparisons of inadequacies.

STFU, do what you love, live what you do.

The Way I Feel Inside

Fuck you Zombies.

I saw your sister with her "ex" not so "ex" at the grocery store the other day. You're whole family is hell bent on stagnation.

I haven't slept more than 6-hours of straight sleep in weeks.

I'm happier, fitter and more productive, yet my hatred for people and their complete lack of ideas grows.

Awe fuck-it-all my friends are fun, and it seems I'm just going through the motions with everything and everyone else. I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Ok, its not really that bad, but I can relate, and I suppose that isn't very healthy.

Awesome...

http://www.vbs.tv/watch/the-vice-guide-to-travel/vice-guide-to-north-korea-1-of-3

Its been a while...

I'm still in the program after a successful committee meeting, and I'm 99% I passed all of my cumes which means, I'm on course to get a PhD.

After a relaxing Sat-night-Sunday-afternoon I've found time to make it to the gym after a couple of weeks of being MIA in mind, body and spirit. Now back to the full steam ahead, my axe is sharp and there are a few small trees I should be able to clear before I can go back to the torturous (see tortoise-ous) way of doing things. I will finally be able to start on committing to my fellowship 100%.

Everything coming up Milhouse...

I much as they may annoy me

I have never despised my friends. If I have ever had a bad thing to say about you, I would have said it to your face.

Not her, she would hate her friends one day, do something with them the next, it was fucking stupid.

As much as I laugh...

I don't think I'll ever laugh enough...

Less Stressed?

I fucking hope so. I don't think I'm regressing to the past.

I'm disgusted with myself for thinking that you were the end all be all. As beautiful as I though you were, I don't think I was committed to you're beauty.

Oh well. There are more attractive people than you out there, I really would like my stuff back however, and because of that, I'm going to spend the rest of my life with a bad word about you.

You put the "stupid" in stupid whore wasting my money and my life.

Stress Makes Me...

LOSE MY FUCKING MIND!

Quote

Ambition - An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead. - Ambrose Bierce

I really like this, probably because I'm vindictive and moderately angry.